Kids are a Risky Business

I am a firm believer that ALL kids are kids at risk.  No matter what sort of household you come from the possibility exists that you might experience toxic stress of some sort throughout your childhood that can result in a poorer outcome than if you didn't....and  we have no control over that stress as children.

In my 27 years of being lucky enough to be a part of many families lives I've met countless families raising children that experienced toxic stress such as homelessness, drug or alcohol abuse, domestic violence, poor nutrition, limited brain stimulation, hunger, poverty, death in the family and sometimes a combination of several of these.  Young children's brains develop differently when toxic stress is experienced and almost comes to virtual standstill in terms of development.  

Watching it happen is heartbreaking.  
 
We cared for the son of a former prostitute that we eventually reported for child abuse.  

We cared for the daughter of the meth addict that came close to death due to an elective surgery.  

We cared for the daughter of the heroin addict who got her act together and made their lives special and she is now in college. 

 We cared for several kids whose dads landed in jail off and on throughout their young lives yet some of them were able to be insulated from the chaos around their lives and have recovered nicely, some of them not.

We cared for the families with children with special needs who were hungry, not because they had special needs but because they didn't have enough money for food.

We cared for the families with foster children who experienced unspeakable physical & mental abuse as little people inflicted by their own mothers and fathers.

We cared for the little girl who was sexually abused by her step-father and other males in the house. There was more than one of these little girls and boys.

We cared for the homeless children who never got enough sleep at the shelter and were rarely bathed.

We cared for the special needs child who's mom didn't know she had a special need until we told her.

We cared for the baby who's mom was experiencing postpartum depression. 

We cared for the sons of a single mother that lost her battle to cancer.

We cared for the children that had to learn to live in a new home frequently due to divorce or general chaos in their parents' lives.

We cared for the girl who needed thousands of dollars in dental care but couldn't get it as her parents had no dental insurance.

We cared for the little boy who only had one pair of socks that he wore every day.

We cared for the little boy who's blanket smelled like a meth lab.

We cared for the babies of teen mothers who can lack emotional strength and maturity necessary to raise an infant as a separate being.

Sometimes parents don't have a clue about what is happening and one cannot tell them because for the most part there is very little they can do in the moment except fix their life and that of their child's one day at a time as solutions and information is obtained.

Therefore our job is to support the family through difficult times, focus on the child and their intense and unspoken needs, connect the parent with needed services and wait and watch.

The hardest part is letting go.  

They often move on from us due to the endless chaos in their lives, but for that short time, we do our best to impact in whatever ways are possible...then we have to learn to let go.

That's the part I hate.  That's the part that keeps me praying.  That's the part that is the hardest.

But sometimes, we make a difference.  Sometimes those kids and their parents overcome seemingly insurmountable problems in their lives and achieve a life of normalcy where the child thrives and so do the parents.  We don't always have a key part in helping that happen but more often than not, we do.

These real life examples all didn't happen to low-income families.  They didn't happen to just people without a college education.  They didn't happen to unlucky or undeserving folks.  They happened to people just like you or me.

There are no guarantees when a baby enters this world that if born into the right circumstances their lives will turn out better.  There are statistics that support this theory however there are no guarantees.  

Kids are a risky business and even with it's continual challenges I'm glad it's my business and that I get to be a part of reducing that risk even if only for one child.

"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."  Mother Teresa