I am a firm believer that ALL kids are kids at risk. No matter what sort of household you come from the possibility exists that you might experience toxic stress of some sort throughout your childhood that can result in a poorer outcome than if you didn't....and we have no control over that stress as children.
In my 27 years of being lucky enough to be a part of many families lives I've met countless families raising children that experienced toxic stress such as homelessness, drug or alcohol abuse, domestic violence, poor nutrition, limited brain stimulation, hunger, poverty, death in the family and sometimes a combination of several of these. Young children's brains develop differently when toxic stress is experienced and almost comes to virtual standstill in terms of development.
Watching it happen is heartbreaking.
We cared for the son of a former prostitute that we eventually reported for child abuse.
We cared for the daughter of the meth addict that came close to death due to an elective surgery.
We cared for the daughter of the heroin addict who got her act together and made their lives special and she is now in college.
We cared for several kids whose dads landed in jail off and on throughout their young lives yet some of them were able to be insulated from the chaos around their lives and have recovered nicely, some of them not.
We cared for the families with children with special needs who were hungry, not because they had special needs but because they didn't have enough money for food.
We cared for the families with foster children who experienced unspeakable physical & mental abuse as little people inflicted by their own mothers and fathers.
We cared for the little girl who was sexually abused by her step-father and other males in the house. There was more than one of these little girls and boys.
We cared for the homeless children who never got enough sleep at the shelter and were rarely bathed.
We cared for the special needs child who's mom didn't know she had a special need until we told her.
We cared for the baby who's mom was experiencing postpartum depression.
We cared for the sons of a single mother that lost her battle to cancer.
We cared for the children that had to learn to live in a new home frequently due to divorce or general chaos in their parents' lives.
We cared for the girl who needed thousands of dollars in dental care but couldn't get it as her parents had no dental insurance.
We cared for the little boy who only had one pair of socks that he wore every day.
We cared for the little boy who's blanket smelled like a meth lab.
We cared for the babies of teen mothers who can lack emotional strength and maturity necessary to raise an infant as a separate being.
Sometimes parents don't have a
clue about what is happening and one cannot tell them because for the
most part there is very little they can do in the moment except fix
their life and that of their child's one day at a time as solutions and information is obtained.
Therefore our job is to support the family through difficult times, focus on the child and their intense and unspoken needs, connect the parent with needed services and wait and watch.
The hardest part is letting go.
They often move on from us due to the endless chaos in their lives, but for that short time, we do our best to impact in whatever ways are possible...then we have to learn to let go.
That's the part I hate. That's the part that keeps me praying. That's the part that is the hardest.
But sometimes, we make a difference. Sometimes those kids and their parents overcome seemingly insurmountable problems in their lives and achieve a life of normalcy where the child thrives and so do the parents. We don't always have a key part in helping that happen but more often than not, we do.
These real life examples all didn't happen to low-income families. They didn't happen to just people without a college education. They didn't happen to unlucky or undeserving folks. They happened to people just like you or me.
There are no guarantees when a baby enters this world that if born into the right circumstances their lives will turn out better. There are statistics that support this theory however there are no guarantees.
Kids are a risky business and even with it's continual challenges I'm glad it's my business and that I get to be a part of reducing that risk even if only for one child.
"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." Mother Teresa
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
Little Women
Little Women was always one of my favorite stories.
This week I was fortunate to attend an event that honored 50 women in my community that have impacted our world in awe and inspiring ways. I'm guessing they had wonderful female role models in their lives.
As a young woman I was encouraged to be anything I wanted to be. My Dad was an engineer and my mom graduated from a University in Music education and thought that all women could not only perform but also work while raising children, She "worked" from home on her piano from 3-6 with kids after school teaching piano (her favorite instrument) while we played and got into mounds of trouble.
So my first lady impression was of a mom that not only had 5 kids, but also played the organ at church every Sunday (which none of the other moms did) wore fabulous dresses and hats, laughed a lot and made me laugh, played with us while caring for our sister with special needs and made my dad the happiest man on earth all while teaching every kid or adult that sook her out how to play the piano.
I remember being jealous sometimes when they would show up because that meant I had to somehow fade into the back ground and disappear and literally not need anything. After watching a few commercials about a new chewing gum that could cover up the smell of a woman eating a raw onion I asked my mom during a piano lesson if I could eat an onion.
She dismissed the question with a quick, "Sure, now go to the basement to play" answer which I took as a complete sign of support for this clever idea. I then grabbed a Walla Walla onion and took it downstairs and proceeded to eat as much of it as I could manage at the ripe old age of 4.
When my mom finished her piano lesson she summoned us and I appeared happily claiming that I had eaten an onion and asked if she had the "magic gum" that would make my breath smell better.
My brothers were nearby as always and made sure I understood how bad my breath was which to my surprise my mom was equally dismayed by. She asked why I'd eaten the onion and when I told her it was just like the gum commercial she looked at me quizzically and ushered me to the bathroom to use my toothbrush before it was in her words, "too late!!!"
That balance of children and career was probably made harder by the antics of five kids doing whatever they wanted while she was painstakingly teaching people a skill that doesn't come natural to most. The onion eating is only the tip of the iceberg! I could go on and on and on but this is a great example of the type of thing we'd do while we knew that mom's eyes were focused elsewhere and no one was truly responsible for our actions.
Was my mom a true career person or was she just a poser-stay-at-home-pretending-to-work-mom?
My mom was a career person within the boundaries of her family life raising five kids with a husband who made enough that she didn't really have to work, but enjoyed working enough that she didn't give up what she loved, which was teaching people (people other than just her children) how to love and appreciate music by learning to play it, create it and share it with others.
She should've been honored among those 50 ladies at some point in time but they didn't do things like that 50 years ago. 50 years ago women weren't expected to accomplish a lot outside of their homes. They were expected to make a husband happy, keep their mouths shut and to raise a passel of kids that would do their spouse proud.
I think my mom did all those things and more. I am glad for her example of a woman who can have it all and how that's impacted my life. She was forced into "having it all" when my dad died suddenly when I was only 16 and she was in her early 40's. Her ability to earn money to support a family of six meant she struggled...a lot. However she wasn't nearly as lost as others we knew who had lost their primary bread winner because she had confidence in who she was and that she could do anything it took.
She also knew she didn't have a choice. She had 5 other faces counting on her to make it better so she did.
She deserves a woman of the year award again, and again and again. But mostly she just deserves a thanks for not only giving us plenty of fun memories of what we'd get into during piano lessons, but for teaching so many people to play piano, supporting a family of six alone and for showing us that women can have it all and even when they make mistakes they can do it all.
She taught her little women and her little men that women are special....and for that I am grateful.
but most of all I am proud to say....she taught me I could have it all and because of that I was able to have it all.
This week I was fortunate to attend an event that honored 50 women in my community that have impacted our world in awe and inspiring ways. I'm guessing they had wonderful female role models in their lives.
As a young woman I was encouraged to be anything I wanted to be. My Dad was an engineer and my mom graduated from a University in Music education and thought that all women could not only perform but also work while raising children, She "worked" from home on her piano from 3-6 with kids after school teaching piano (her favorite instrument) while we played and got into mounds of trouble.
So my first lady impression was of a mom that not only had 5 kids, but also played the organ at church every Sunday (which none of the other moms did) wore fabulous dresses and hats, laughed a lot and made me laugh, played with us while caring for our sister with special needs and made my dad the happiest man on earth all while teaching every kid or adult that sook her out how to play the piano.
I remember being jealous sometimes when they would show up because that meant I had to somehow fade into the back ground and disappear and literally not need anything. After watching a few commercials about a new chewing gum that could cover up the smell of a woman eating a raw onion I asked my mom during a piano lesson if I could eat an onion.
She dismissed the question with a quick, "Sure, now go to the basement to play" answer which I took as a complete sign of support for this clever idea. I then grabbed a Walla Walla onion and took it downstairs and proceeded to eat as much of it as I could manage at the ripe old age of 4.
When my mom finished her piano lesson she summoned us and I appeared happily claiming that I had eaten an onion and asked if she had the "magic gum" that would make my breath smell better.
My brothers were nearby as always and made sure I understood how bad my breath was which to my surprise my mom was equally dismayed by. She asked why I'd eaten the onion and when I told her it was just like the gum commercial she looked at me quizzically and ushered me to the bathroom to use my toothbrush before it was in her words, "too late!!!"
That balance of children and career was probably made harder by the antics of five kids doing whatever they wanted while she was painstakingly teaching people a skill that doesn't come natural to most. The onion eating is only the tip of the iceberg! I could go on and on and on but this is a great example of the type of thing we'd do while we knew that mom's eyes were focused elsewhere and no one was truly responsible for our actions.
Was my mom a true career person or was she just a poser-stay-at-home-pretending-to-work-mom?
My mom was a career person within the boundaries of her family life raising five kids with a husband who made enough that she didn't really have to work, but enjoyed working enough that she didn't give up what she loved, which was teaching people (people other than just her children) how to love and appreciate music by learning to play it, create it and share it with others.
She should've been honored among those 50 ladies at some point in time but they didn't do things like that 50 years ago. 50 years ago women weren't expected to accomplish a lot outside of their homes. They were expected to make a husband happy, keep their mouths shut and to raise a passel of kids that would do their spouse proud.
I think my mom did all those things and more. I am glad for her example of a woman who can have it all and how that's impacted my life. She was forced into "having it all" when my dad died suddenly when I was only 16 and she was in her early 40's. Her ability to earn money to support a family of six meant she struggled...a lot. However she wasn't nearly as lost as others we knew who had lost their primary bread winner because she had confidence in who she was and that she could do anything it took.
She also knew she didn't have a choice. She had 5 other faces counting on her to make it better so she did.
She deserves a woman of the year award again, and again and again. But mostly she just deserves a thanks for not only giving us plenty of fun memories of what we'd get into during piano lessons, but for teaching so many people to play piano, supporting a family of six alone and for showing us that women can have it all and even when they make mistakes they can do it all.
She taught her little women and her little men that women are special....and for that I am grateful.
but most of all I am proud to say....she taught me I could have it all and because of that I was able to have it all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)