My Emily

My Emily was the direct result of my second marriage to my first husband. Details here.

My Emily

It's complicated but not really. We'd been apart for long enough and were excited to add to our family and knew that our kids would be six years apart as it was so off we went getting married a second time, and 11 months later Ms. Emily joined our brood.

She was a delight from the get-go. A good sleeper, often content and an overachiever. Her benchmarks were ridiculous. Sitting up alone at 4 1/2 months, walking at nine months, chattering in Emilish which means zero back sounds, a cute lisp and soft r's but boy could she talk. If you spoke Emilish you had insight into her active and inquisitive mind that never stopped. She was a complete delight and the apple of everyone's eyes.

Her grandmother used to say, "Emily will turn on you like a rabid dog." Yes, this perfect little princess had/has a temper, but as she will say, only when it's really important. She has a wealth of patience and will give many passes especially to those she loves, but when too much injustice or taking advantage of her good will ensues so does her volcanic reaction. One does not want to be on the receiving end of that wrath, but back to My Emily.

This little body contained prolonged bursts of energy followed by long needs for rest and quiet. She fought every nap I ever tried to give her and actually screamed daily until finally we decided to park her under my desk with a pillow, a blanket, a binky and a book. While this worked on occasion, more often than not, she was too afraid of missing something interesting or fun so she imposed her iron will upon herself to stay awake "just in case." then she crashed and burned and slept through each night as if her life depended on it...once she finally fell asleep.

She would reason and cajole and charm her family each evening to keep us busy with her. There were two things she loved most, interactions with others and clothes.

I read somewhere that a parent should use the things that a child is motivated by most to elicit desirable behavior. Emily's grandma, the one who lovingly called her a rabid dog also had a penchant for fancy, lacy dresses that she bought for each of her granddaughters. We treasured them for special occasions until one day I realized they were the key to Emily's motivation to stay in bed.

We allowed her to choose one each evening at bedtime and she would lay out her "project" consisting of most often a dress, tights, her undies, shoes, hair accessories etc. As long as she stayed in bed, she was able to wear her dress the next day. If not, the dress sadly went back in the closet and an outfit of my choosing; a pair of pants or overalls of course, were what she wore the following day. It worked like a charm.

Not much has changed. She is still my one that loves pretty clothes, that burns the candle at both ends, that never wants to sleep but when she finally does can sleep for days. She loves her family and friends so much that she sacrifices much to spend quality time with each and she embodies an old soul. Her heart is as big as her stunning smile and her inner beauty is equal to her outer beauty.

There was that brief period during high school that Emily AKA Emster had her Napoleon Dynamite phase. She wore moon boots, sweat pants, t-shirts from grade school summer camps and little makeup. Her friends were getting dolled up and working at attracting male attention while she attracted male friends with her smarts, her wit and her spunk to be brave enough to buck the system.

Boys and dresses and her inner diva did win out and she lost the moon boots and sweats and traded them for makeup, curling irons and perfume. It didn't matter. The boys still loved and still do the same things; her smarts, her wit and her spunk. The big heart and smile are compelling as well.

Entrepreneur and Philanthropist from day 1

She was a dancer, a bossy girl scout, a ski racer, participated in competitive speech and broadcasting competitions; took honors and AP courses. She had five broken bones as a young person due to roller blading, skiing, jumping on a trampoline, and most daringly, walking.
She started a hot chocolate stand on her own borrowing the money and paying me back every year, giving 50% to charity.

She helped me plan elaborate birthday parties and loves event planning even today. We have many a wonderful memory of fantastical birthdays and family events.

When she got older, she became our Spring Break baby as we always celebrated her birthday in places away from home to include Brundage and New Meadows, McCall, Targhee with dinner in a yurt along with a sleigh ride, Jerome, Florida, Sun Valley, Spain, and Hawaii. Yes Jerome was on that list of amazing places, but hey it's one of our favorite places and the hometown of half our family.

She went to the U of I for one year and met her best friend and moved home to be near her little sister and her family. She traded black and gold for orange and blue and with her usual determination wanted to live the college life, so got an internship and worked while going to school full time living in an apartment nearby. Extreme candle burning (at both ends) ensued and the elusive degree is close.

She now works for a nonprofit full time and makes us proud every day. That little bundle of femininity that landed at our doorstep 24 years ago has never ceased to amaze and delight. She is the quintessential middle child, a loving daughter and sister, a dedicated, determined, smart, witty, spunky, compassionate, passionate, changer of the world.

She's the person one always wants in their corner.

She's the one person you'll be lucky to call friend,

She's the one person you can trust with your secrets.

She's the one person you can count on to make you laugh (just check out her twitter if you don't believe me.)

She's the one person I always have been, and always will be so very proud to call My Emily.

She makes me look good by her very presence in this world because when I look at My Emily I know for certain we did something right.

Happy Birthday darlin'.

My Emily

I am lucky indeed.

It is a rare person that is able to experience the joy of watching lives unfold over several years through their work.  I'm one of the lucky few that meets people, often at their worst and get to see their lives transformed right before my eyes.

You see, I never just meet a mom or a kid or a dad and their kid, I meet families.  People come to me as a parent and a child or two parents and a child or two or three (parents or kids).....No matter what that family looks like when they arrive, I get to meet them when they are young.

By young I mean the family is young.  That parent might be 40 or that parent might be 14.  It doesn't matter because both of them have just started down a journey that hopefully...if they are lucky...never ends in the adults lifetime.

This week in particular I was struck by conversations with parents who have been with us in the past or even currently but for several years because their kids are older and what they said.  It's what they say that blows me away.

One mom was bragging about how her child can now jump on the couch and say bad words and he just turned 5.  Most parents would be appalled at these behaviors but she's celebrating that he has made strides despite his disability and wanted to share her joy with us.  She recognized that she will someday have to tell him not to do those things but is also so excited that he is now doing them...the things most parents take for granted, she simply doesn't.  It was heart wrenching to go through the steps of helping she and her partner to realize he had a disability but I'm happy I was there.

Another came in and congratulated us for receiving the BBB Torch Award for Ethics.  She has brought 4 kids to our centers and said she wouldn't take them anywhere else.  They are all in private school except for the baby and her words of affirmation meant so much.  This mom can take her children anywhere, but she chooses us.

Another mom reached out to me just to send good thoughts my way.  Her children are in elementary school now and she lives in another state but wanted me to know she was thinking about me.  My gosh, how lucky am I to have this family in my life?  One would think our connection would simply be over as her children aged out.  Was it because she had breast cancer when they were little and we collectively worried while her kids were little or was it fate that we met and still adore one another?  I don't know, but I'm grateful for that life line and friendship.

Then there is one of my longest connections with a woman that I admire and equally love for just being her.  She told me that when she and her best friend who also had a son at GL would have a problem they would say, "Let's call Lori, she'll know what to do."  Just like all of us, myself included, we don't always want to listen to our moms, so they had someone else they would listen to (even though I probably gave the same advice) don't we all need that non familial voice?

This one is special to me though.  Her son was a baby when he arrived and we haven't lost touch even though he's in college now.  The warmth I feel when I think about her and the connection we have is based on mutual respect, admiration and genuine love.  She was a scared and young mom when I first met her and she is no longer that person.  I was able to see her grow into herself and her vision of the best version of herself, but also watch and hear about her son growing into a person that she is proud of and that he is proud of.

I don't always get to see things start to finish.  I often lose touch or they move or I wasn't their go-to-person, but there are enough that I do see start to finish (even though we're never really finished) that I know it's good.  I know I'm lucky.  I know they're lucky too....that we found each other and that our spheres get to intersect for this span of time when we need each other the most.

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."  John C. Maxwell.

I get to share a little bit about what I know with parents when they need it the most.

I get to share my passion for families everyday of my life.

I get to be a part of the most important part of a persons life, when they are young and their family is young.

When my own children become parents I know they will think that my advice might be outdated (even though I spent time this morning coaching a new mom with a 6 week old through her concerns).  But that's okay.  I hope they all find their Lori who will give them advice and help navigate them through their fears and insecurities and whom they will connect for a lifetime.

I am lucky indeed.